Kop That

An open letter to the red scousers of Merseyside:

I have been in this fair city for six of earth’s years and much of my time has been full of fun and laughter for all. I have, however, on occasion been forced to sit in many of the city’s bars and pubs whilst your football team defeated mine. I saw the t-shirts hurriedly printed proclaiming Michael Owen ‘a weapon of manc destruction’. I did see the man fromUruguaymake the scousers cry and I do remember Wayne Rooney scoring and celebrating infront of you. For all those years of defeats at Anfield, Riise rockets, Steven Gerrard’s whiney face whenever United do anything against either him orLiverpool, and Robbie Fowler, just for being Robbie Fowler, I sat through it all and watched as everyone let me have it when Monday came and I was back in the classroom or work. That is the main reason I make no apology for pointing out a few things today and offering my apologies to the red scousers of Liverpool.

I am sorry that for large parts of the game we were very lucky to hang on when you should have taken the chances.

I am sorry you didn’t seem to have anyone on the pitch capable of taking the chances you did make.

I am sorry that for all the possession your team seemed to have, our goalkeeper only had a few saves to make.

I apologise for the fact that your bean pole of a striker, despite the fact that he stands higher than theEmpireStateBuilding, cannot head the ball for toffee!

I am sorry for Steven Gerrard because he really really wanted to join Chelsea and I am sorry it took threats (allegedly) against him to make him stay and ‘love’ his hometown club.

I am sorry that our captain does not seem to have the kind of loyalty that comes with Velcro backing so that you can take it off and put it somewhere else. Our captain loves getting results against your team, and the fans are quite happy when it happens too.

I am sorry that you played us off the pitch and STILL weren’t good enough to beat us.

I am sorry our striker’s foot hurt your player when he stepped on it in the penalty area.

I am sorry that John O’Shea, a squad player who isn’t really even a midfielder, popped up to put the ball away.

Victories against your team are sweet, and if your team had won I would not be hearing the end of it. Define ‘it’ as whatever you want – how you had stopped our title charge, punctured it, fatally wounded it, how you outclassed us in every way and how far you have come and how next season the title is yours. I’ll believe it when I see it.

At this very moment I am not even thinking of the title race, for games like this should be taken on the event that they are, and if you had won there probably would have been DVD’s made of the game despite your decidedly average season. Yes, I know, you are beatingBarcelonaand it will be ‘another famous night’ at Anfield where the rest of us who don’t give two shiny ones, won’t be able to get away from work because you are hogging all the taxis.

Victory in Europe does not a good season make, when the rest of it has been poor.

You, my friends will learn that you can try and try and try but you cannot polish a turd.

All the best going forward.

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Author: SM

I am a writer of words. I write for Man United publications such as Red News, Its Round and Its White and I am the founder of Given to Score and the Sportmonkey Blog. I have written for many music websites.

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